IN REPENTANCE - IN DREAMS - IN SUPPLICATIONS

hidden from - protected from - gotten away from

Because I always feel like running
Not away, because there is no such place
Because, if there was I would have found it by now
Because it's easier to run,
Easier than staying and finding out you're the only one who didn't run
Because running will be the way your life and mine will be described
As in "the long run"
Or as in having given someone a "run for his money"
Or as in "running out of time"
Because running makes me look like everyone else,
Though I hope there will ever be cause for that
Because I will be running in the other direction,
Not running for cover
Because if I knew where cover was,
I would stay there and never have to run for it
Not running for my life,
Because I have to be running for something of more value
To be running and not in fear
Because the thing I fear cannot be escaped, eluded, avoided,
Hidden from, protected from, gotten away from,
Not without showing the fear as I see it now
Because closer, clearer, no sir, nearer
Because of you and because of that nice
That you quietly, quickly be causing
And because you're going to see me run soon
And because you're going to know why I'm running then
You'll know then
Because I'm not going to tell you now.

DOUBTS AND FEARS

I knew already that I was not safe.
Not even here, in this big city, far from everything and everybody.
Far from all the mistakes I made.
But not far enough... apparently.
It looks like this is not the real life. It looks something else. Not even a dream.
Or is all the way around?
I think I'm starting to be confused...
Or are the people around confused? With their double lives, with their double faces...
...with their double thoughts...

As I said, thinking is a miracle, but believing is THE miracle.
It looks so easy, but it's so hard to feel.

Maybe I should really go to hell, as the message I recieved last night said.

Thanks God tomorrow I go back in Europe... even if I don't think is the right thing to do.

My life here in New York city is becoming everyday more dangerous.
It's already few days that I don't go out from my little flat.
I do not remember how many days exactly... I lost the counts.
I just look out my windows, doing nothing, smoking too many cigarettes.
Nobody knows what's going on. People believe in what I write on facebook.
It's so fucking easy in our days.
People believe. People don't trust.
Or vice versa?
I don't know anymore.
I don't know anymore.
New York shines in its bright colors and doesn't give a fuck about me.
But here I am.
Can you see me?
Here I am.