♤ ♤ ALL MY LOVES ♤ ♤

My first love was not gay. Was the first time I made love. Was sweet. I was twelve. He had a girlfriend.
When he understood he stopped all the contacts with me. I was sad but I could not tell anyone.

My second love was a woman. Was the first time I made love with a woman. I made it during four years. I dont' know if she made love with me. Was sweet and funny. She told me "I love you". She had a boyfriend. It finished when I was almost eighteen. I was more than sad but then I started to dance.

My third love was hiv positive. He didn't tell me, but he told me "I love you". I made love with him. He didn't make love with me. He was sweet. Than his bestfriend told me the truth. I was sad and afraid. but I could not tell anyone. I was eighteen. Then I was lucky and negative.

My fourth love was a dancer. I made love with him. I don't know if he mande love with me. Was sensual and soft. I made love with him during four monthes everyday after the dance school. I was nineteen. He told me "I love you". Then in a party in his house, in the middle of all our friend he didnt even kiss me. Cold and far. I spit in his feet. I was sad and disgusted but then I changed city.

My fifth love was a normal guy, we made love almost for six monthes. He was quiet, silent, sweet and tender. One day after a movie (Mullholland Drive) he took his bike and he disappeared without saying a word. I was twenty. I didn't understand, so I was sad and lost, with a lot of doubts in my head. But then I changed city again. I met him after three years and now he is one of my best friend.

My sixth love was in the most romantic city ever. I was twentyone. He was strange, weird, like a freak angel. We made love for almost one year and a half. He told me "I love you". Then I opened myself for the first time in my life, showing also my dark side. He disappeard from the city. I was sad and broken. I met him two monthes later in a square, with another guy. I spit on his face and then I changed city. Then for the first time I cracked an e.mail account, his e.mail account and I descovered that he was sending to another guy all the love letters that he was sending to me. I closed myself for almost two years. No sex, no love, no nothing.

My seventh love was the best love story I've ever had. I made love with him. He made love with me. We said "I love you" to eachother. Then I cracked again... but just because he did it first... and probably would have been much better to don't do that.

Better to don't speak about this. 

My eight love told me "I love you" crying. I made love with him, I don't know if he made with me. But I found him on gayromeo, but I didn't say nothing. Then he fucked with a friend of mine. He changed city.

I didn't make love with my last one. I asked him to don't touch my heart. He touched anyway. He told me he wanted to marry me. He told me many other things. He was also in gayromeo. I don't know how I felt anymore.

I do not judge all my loves. 

Thinking about my past I can just say that I loved a lot and I'm quite lucky.

Thinking about this I feel blessed.

Thinking about this I feel my love for God.

Amen.

P.s. This is just about the people I loved and not about the people who told me "I love you" but I didn't love... otherwhise this could be a neverending story. hehehe (I'm not so serious in the end...)