WAITING FOR GODOT - (a non evolutionary spiral)

Smoking too much cigarettes, don't really know what to write, don't know what to think about, but I need to put out something, so here I am, in my virtual space, but still in my house, with my music.
New music for a new life, when it looks like I'm going back, so back...
I think it was such a long time I was not feeling like that. Years.
Should I deserve it? Do I like?
I don't know.
And, hey, hey, wait a moment, I still recognize my luck, yes, I do.
But feelings are uncontrollable. My visions, the signs, the cards I found, the words of the people around me, my dreams, the dance, the addictions, God, divinities, skys above me, trips, flights, trains, faces, messages and again signs, notes and so on...

And I sitll do not understand, I do not understand...
What people want from me...
My body, my lips, my heart, my soul, my wings, my feathers, my faith, my time...
And yes, I give it, I give it all... In my immeasurable egoism... or stupidity...
So teenagerish... as always.
But in the end, in the very end, I am the one left... here... in this little house, in this small town that doesn't seem to love me.
Three years of my life in which step by step I lost many things...
Things that I cannot write here, that I cannot say to anybody.

So I continue smoking too much cigarettes.
Waiting for Godot.