I will visit your grandmother with you.
I will take a bath in your tab.
I will come to watch your rehearsals.
I will marry you.
I will cook for you.
I would like you to dance for me.
Don't go away, please.

Is almost three weeks that I don't see your face, your eyes.
It's true, human knows time and universe knows infinity...
But I'm human, indeed, even if I can feel the universe when I pray, when I meditate, when I make love.
The illusion of infinity. Illusion for us, because we will die one day.

Meanwhile I cooked for myself, I visited my grandmother alone, I didn't take a bath cause I often take a shower, and other friends were in the balletsaal during my rehearsals.
I didn't marry, lately....
I don't wanna marry lately... after the last relation I had.

Selfish?
No, I don't think so, I don't think this is the problem.... or at least not my problem.

Submissive?
Yes. Always. And yes... it's because I secretely like it.
It comes from my past, the real past, the one I don't remember so well... the one I never told to anyone.
Just few pictures, just melting memories.

This is the thing I'm fighting against, and I don't know if I will ever win defenetly, because we have things in our karma that will stay with us forever, and we must learn to love them and to handle with them.
Embrace your demons, indeed.

I still believe in all the things you told me.
I still keep my body untouched to be ready to make love with you.
I still try to use less drugs as I can, to keep my mind clear for you and for me.
And I keep on learning german in my free time, to be able to understand you.

Probably I'm just stupid, but I cannot say something like that.
Just the time will give me the answer.

And yes, it's quite sad to do this by myself, but I should learn to make things for me and then for the others.
To be just a little less submissive.

Universe knows infinity, but life is not that long and I still want to make love, to be wrong, to laugh out loud, to cry, to scream, to hug, to kiss, to dance, to run, to sweat, to cook, to eat, to sleep, to fight, to dream, to crash... with the people I love... with the one that I love.

Otherwise life seems to me just nothing special, just something I can let go so easily, so fast...
It's really not difficult to stop living, you know?
You just need a mountain, a bridge, a knife, some pills...
But this is another story, and it's not my story.
To be honest I never understood this story, even if it was so close to me.
But there are many things I do not understand.

But one is quite clear, even if it doesn't have a sense.

I love you.
A.